“Wouldn’t it be nice to if we were able to communicate, using eye contact, smiles, and two listening ears. During National Etiquette Week May 14-18 2012 make sure your communication skills start with looking people in the eye when you speak with them.  Every human interaction has the potential to be effective communication or ineffective.  Take this week to think about effect communication, starting with a smile, eye contact, and focus on the person in front of you.”

Wouldn’t It Be Nice……This is the theme for National Etiquette Week, May 14 – 18 sponsored by Leadership & Etiquette Dynamics  and The Etiquette & Leadership Institute. National Etiquette Week is a time to focus on the importance of courtesy and civility in our everyday lives. Established in 1997, the week serves to remind us of the importance of civility in all areas of life—from the workplace to the restaurant, from event planning to international protocol, from family get-togethers to formal parties.

Please join us in taking time every day this week to examine the nice acts you commit and make our world a more civil place—for both others and ourselves, for those around the block and those around the globe. Now, that would be nice, indeed.

You know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live withoutthese two little words… THANK YOU. From the local baristas to the toll booth attendant to the grocery store clerk, we all  need to feel appreciated. All of uslike to  have something nice done for us each day. If you see somebody drop something are you the first to help them pick it up? If someone has their hands full are you the first person to open the door for them? Wouldn’t it be nice if we all remembered to say thank you. National Etiquette Week May 14-18, 2012 is the week to focus on remembering to say thank you, being grateful, and showing appreciation.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice…… This is the theme for National Etiquette Week, May 14 – 18 sponsored by Leadership & Etiquette Dynamics and The Etiquette & Leadership Institute. Every day there are reports of citizens taking the route toward incivility; we are confident there are many, many more examples of citizens choosing the civil interaction in their daily lives. We encourage you to tell the stories of people in our community where honor, respect and civility are their character traits.  Please share with us your stories about people you have encountered that used good manners in their dealings with others rather than bad ones.

During National Etiquette Week,  May 14-18, 2012, think about taking a break from technology. Whether it be social networking, your cell phone, or computer, replace that time spent instead, by interacting and conversing with a friend or spending time with your family. According to Clifford Nass, Stanford University professor and consultant to Google and Microsoft, social skills are typically only learned when children are engaged and making eye contact, rather than fiddling with an iPod during a conversation.  Children are not the only ones challenged by digital distractions.  Wouldn’t it be nice if we all unplugged for a day.

Wouldn’t It Be Nice…… This is the theme for National Etiquette Week, May 14 – 18 sponsored by Leadership & Etiquette Dynamics  and The Etiquette & Leadership Institute. Please join us in taking time every day this week to examine the nice acts you commit and make our world a more civil place—for both others and ourselves, for those around the block and those around the globe. Now, that would be nice, indeed.

Leadership & Etiquette Dynamics, along with The Etiquette and Leadership Institute are celebrating  National Etiquette Week, May 14 – 18, by encouraging gestures of courtesy, civility, good manners and kindness as the way young people, leaders, business people and children around the country are called to act.

Being kind, civil and courteous starts with each individual. Small acts of kindness begin to make tremendous impact when each of us holds ourselves to standards of respect, civility and honor. You start the chain reaction. Speak kindly first, think positively rather than critically of another person, and say “thank you,” first; others will respond in like manner. It is up to you to make an impact in your community in civility, courtesy and kindness with the simple act of good manners:

The smile is a very powerful facial expression.  Smile at someone and see what happens. You have the power to change a moment in a person’s bad day into a moment where there is light and happiness. Now wouldn’t that be nice? As Phyllis Diller said,

“A smile is a curve that sets everything straight!”

Take a digital break and listen.  As Calvin Coolidge once said, “ No man ever listened his way out of a job.” The computer, the cell phone, electronics are EVERYWHERE. Take a break from them and be with the ones you love!

Say ‘Hello’ and ask ‘How are you?’  What connects us to each other? Is the air we breathe, the sunshine that warms us, the words we say to each other? Greetings are universal and wouldn’t it be nice if we greeted a person every hour during the work day or if we were greeted each hour during our work day?

Be grateful, show gratitude and respond to kindness.  It goes to the heart of us being global citizens and neighbors. When gratitude exists you don’t find negativity, judgmental attitudes, condescension. Rather, you find acceptance, happiness and things are nice!

Leadership & Etiquette Dynamcis consultant, Rosanna Mangini, was trained and certified by The Etiquette & Leasdership Institute.  Based in Athens, Ga., The Etiquette and Leadership Institute is the leader in children’s etiquette training with graduates in all 50 states and in 8 countries. The principals of The Etiquette and Leadership Institute use the ELI curriculum with over 2000 young people ages 8 to 22 each year, in addition to training adults to be children’s etiquette consultants. The Etiquette and Leadership Institute, the Protocol School of Washington, Perfectly Polished, The Etiquette School and Dorothea Johnson Productions, Inc. share an educational alliance dedicated to promoting civility.

Leadership is one of those words that carries a wide range of connotations. By “leadership,” most people picture someone who holds a formal title in a corporate, organization, government, church, educational or military setting – titles such as a president, director, department manager, provost, team leader, minister, project manager, pope, and so on. Is leadership confined to these contexts?  No, it is so much more.

In reality, leadership occurs everywhere. If there is life, leadership is taking place. Everyone is a leader. That’s because leadership is really a mindset much more than a title. In fact, a title does not guarantee true leadership even though those with powerful titles often have an enormous impact on the world (regardless of whether the impact is desirable or destructive).

The mindset at the heart of leadership involves two dynamics – impact and responsibility. Impact is the effect that each person has on other people – their families, communities, the environment, and the world. When people are aware of their impact on others, and work toward having a positive influence on others, they are engaging in positive or desirable leadership. When people ignore their impact, work toward getting their objectives accomplished regardless of the impact on others, or are interested only in being self-serving, they are engaging in negative or destructive leadership.

Responsibility is a leader’s willingness to notice the impact they have and to respond in a way that is conscientious and appropriate. Even though everyone is responsible for their impact, not everyone takes responsibility for it. People commonly deny responsibility by denying their impact or by blaming others. It is much easier to deny or blame, than it is to take responsibility.

Imagine a world where everyone consistently pays attention to their impact, takes responsibility for it, and chooses a response that is conscientious and appropriate. That alone would change the world. It would exponentially reduce destruction and death. It would counteract conflict. It would alleviate unnecessary pain.

Imagine a world in which you consistently pay attention to your impact, take responsibility for it, and choose a response that is conscientious and appropriate. What difference would this make in your life and the lives of the people you influence? Yes – you are a leader.

So, what does it take to be a leader? Being a leader is not about your title, the power of your position, or how many followers you have. It comes down to two dynamics: impact and responsibility. Be a leader that values desirable outcomes.

Have you ever noticed how good it feels to really be listened to? It’s meaningful, particularly when you sense that the person you are talking to is truly engaged, and listening to more than just your words. 

Listening is more than just hearing the words someone is speaking. Effective listening is becoming involved in the conversation, and we do that through active listening.

Good listeners know that when it comes to listening, it’s the way we listen that determines what we hear. And active listening is listening with the purpose of trying to understand the meaning of the message.  It’s full engagement in the communication process.

There are 5 skills we can use to ensure that we that we are practicing active listening, establishing rapport, and making others feel they are being heard:

Number 1: Empathize. One of the biggest mistakes we make when we engage in a conversation with others is to think about how their words affect us, instead of thinking about their words from their perspective. 

Active listening, however, is not inward thinking. Active listening means giving the other person 100% of your attention, not letting your mind wander, and listening to every word from their perspective. 

Number 2. Listen to more than just their words. Hearing what someone is saying is not enough;  you also want to understand the meaning behind their words.   What is the speed, pitch and tone of their voice?  What are their facial expressions?  What is their body saying?  

As we learned last time, our words are only 7% of our message, so tuning into how people are saying something, will help you better understand what it is they are really expressing. 

Number 3: Be focused. Giving 100% of your attention means not letting yourself be distracted by other things or people. It means being so engaged in the conversation that the other person feels they are truly being heard and understood. 

I love the quote by Richard Moss that says “The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.”  

So when talking to others, don’t be distracted by what’s going on around you. Make them feel as though there is nothing more important than listening to them.  

Number 4:  Practice paraphrasing.  Paraphrasing shows the speaker that you are truly hearing what is said and are engaged in the conversation. 

Paraphrasing is simply repeating back what you heard the other person say.  Be sure not to repeat back word for word like a parrot, but instead to use your own words. 

Try this technique.  And ask the special people in your life to do it with you.  It is amazing how it feels when someone acknowledges that they have heard what you said.  This one simple technique will dramatically change your communications and your relationships. 

Number 5: Listen more than you speak.  Contrary to what you might think, the most effective tool a good conversationalist has is silence.   When we are not thinking about what we are going to say, but instead we just listen, it gives us the ability to connect with the other person. What is not said often has more power than what is said.

In summary, effective listening means more than just listening to someone’s words.  It means becoming actively involved in the conversation by: 

1. Empathizing -  trying to understand the other person’s point of view.
2. Listening beyond just their words so you can understand the full meaning of what someone is saying.
3. Staying focused -  Giving the other person 100% of your attention.
4. Use paraphrasing to ensure that you’ve understood what is being said.
5. Listen more than you speak making others feel heard.

Do you think of yourself as a leader?  Do you enjoy leading?  As you were growing up, did people tell you that you had natural leadership qualities? 

If you don’t see yourself as a leader, know that you are leading and probably not even knowing it.  Why?  Because we are all leaders simply because of our influence.  Whatever you believe, think, value, feel, or say influences your behavior.  These are all the result of your mindset and your mindset affects the impact you have.

This attitude determines much of our behavior, and our behavior produces specific results.  If we are the leaders of our lives, in our work, and in our relationships, the results we get matter very much.  Are we getting the results or having the impact we want, or are we experiencing unwanted results and outcomes?  By looking at the relationship between our mindset, our behavior, and our impact we can integrate all three components in an effective and satisfying way.  We can incorporate leadership qualities and engage in leadership behaviors that generate the results we really want.

Your impact may be subtle or it may be profound; it may be small or it may be big; it may be obvious or not so obvious; it may be positive, neutral, or negative

Observe your impact as it’s reflected back to you, observe your actions as you carry them out, and observe your mindset as it fills your thoughts and shapes your attitudes.  With this model you have an ever-ready tool to use any time that you are not getting results you desire.  That’s a tool worth keeping in your toolbox, wouldn’t you say?

Good leaders must lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example.

1. Take responsibility.  Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

2. Be truthful.  Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

3. Be courageous.  Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to a larger purpose.

4. Acknowledge failure.  It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

5. Be persistent.  Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.

6. Create solutions.  Don’t dwell on problems; instead be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team for more.

7. Listen.  Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

8. Delegate liberally.  Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

9. Take care of yourself.  Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it! 

10. Roll up your sleeves.  Like Alexander the Great leading his men into battle, you’ll inspire greatness in your company.

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

 But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

 •  Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

 •  Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.

 •  Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.

 •  Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.

 •  When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.

 •  Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, and express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

If trying to maintain balance in your life makes you feel like a tightrope walker, you’re not alone. Most of us have so many demands on our time and energy, life can feel like a three-ring circus. Take this quiz to see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling personal needs and wants.

 True  False

 T   F  1.   The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

 T   F  2.   Nurturing myself enlarges my capacity to help others.

 T   F  3.   I eat healthfully and exercise regularly.

 T   F  4.   I get check-ups, go to the dentist, and take preventative precautions.

 T   F  5.   I set aside personal, quiet time for myself, whether I’m meditating or simply letting my thoughts drift. 

 T   F  6.   I experience the gifts of each season: ice skating, sledding, bundled-up beach walks; gardening, hiking, more time outside; camping, swimming, barbeques; harvesting the bounty, gathering wood, spending more time inside.

 T   F  7.   Creativity nurtures me, too. I do what I love, whether that’s cooking, drawing, painting, writing, dancing, singing or another creative pursuit. 

 T   F  8.   Reaching out to others enriches my life. I spend quality time with family and friends.

 T   F  9.   Contributing to the world provides connection and purpose, so I give my time, energy and experience where it is most useful. 

 T   F  10.   I notice and heed the emotional signals that tell me I’m out of balance: irritability, overwhelm, resentment.

 T   F  11.   If I feel that I’m catching a cold, I realize I may have stressed my immune system with overactivity, so I stop and take care of myself.

 T   F  12.   When I need or want to, I say no to requests for my time.

 T   F  13.   I listen to and honor the requests my body makes for such things as a nap, a walk, green vegetables, hot soup.

 T   F  14.   If I have something planned for myself, I don’t just toss that aside when someone makes a request of me.

 T   F  15.   I’m busy, but I find time to do the things I want to do.

 T   F  16.   I’m happy. I regularly experience well-being, contentment, even joy.

If you answered false more often than true, you may want to take a look at the questions to which you answered false and see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life. Please don’t hesitate to call if you’d like to explore this issue further.