Good leaders must lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example.

1. Take responsibility.  Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

2. Be truthful.  Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

3. Be courageous.  Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to a larger purpose.

4. Acknowledge failure.  It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

5. Be persistent.  Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.

6. Create solutions.  Don’t dwell on problems; instead be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team for more.

7. Listen.  Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

8. Delegate liberally.  Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

9. Take care of yourself.  Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it! 

10. Roll up your sleeves.  Like Alexander the Great leading his men into battle, you’ll inspire greatness in your company.

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

 But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain. So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word. We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention. Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: colorful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

 •  Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

 •  Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.

 •  Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.

 •  Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.

 •  When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.

 •  Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, and express thanks for gratitude.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfillment is gratitude at work.

If trying to maintain balance in your life makes you feel like a tightrope walker, you’re not alone. Most of us have so many demands on our time and energy, life can feel like a three-ring circus. Take this quiz to see how well you are meeting responsibilities, while also recognizing and fulfilling personal needs and wants.

 True  False

 T   F  1.   The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.

 T   F  2.   Nurturing myself enlarges my capacity to help others.

 T   F  3.   I eat healthfully and exercise regularly.

 T   F  4.   I get check-ups, go to the dentist, and take preventative precautions.

 T   F  5.   I set aside personal, quiet time for myself, whether I’m meditating or simply letting my thoughts drift. 

 T   F  6.   I experience the gifts of each season: ice skating, sledding, bundled-up beach walks; gardening, hiking, more time outside; camping, swimming, barbeques; harvesting the bounty, gathering wood, spending more time inside.

 T   F  7.   Creativity nurtures me, too. I do what I love, whether that’s cooking, drawing, painting, writing, dancing, singing or another creative pursuit. 

 T   F  8.   Reaching out to others enriches my life. I spend quality time with family and friends.

 T   F  9.   Contributing to the world provides connection and purpose, so I give my time, energy and experience where it is most useful. 

 T   F  10.   I notice and heed the emotional signals that tell me I’m out of balance: irritability, overwhelm, resentment.

 T   F  11.   If I feel that I’m catching a cold, I realize I may have stressed my immune system with overactivity, so I stop and take care of myself.

 T   F  12.   When I need or want to, I say no to requests for my time.

 T   F  13.   I listen to and honor the requests my body makes for such things as a nap, a walk, green vegetables, hot soup.

 T   F  14.   If I have something planned for myself, I don’t just toss that aside when someone makes a request of me.

 T   F  15.   I’m busy, but I find time to do the things I want to do.

 T   F  16.   I’m happy. I regularly experience well-being, contentment, even joy.

If you answered false more often than true, you may want to take a look at the questions to which you answered false and see if you can incorporate something of its message into your life. Please don’t hesitate to call if you’d like to explore this issue further.

Job transitions can be stressful—whether they’re due to layoff, a new job or working extra hours because others workers were laid off. If you’re facing one, consider the following.

 1. Take an honest look at yourself. What are your strengths, weaknesses, skills? How did those influence—positively or negatively—your transition?

 2. Step up your self-care. Major changes are physically and emotionally taxing. You need self-care now more than ever.

 3. Engage your curiosity. What went wrong, or right? What could you have done better? What worked really well?

 4. Focus on what you want and less on what you don’t want. Keep your eye on the prize.

 5. Find support. Since your transition affects your family as well, it may be better to seek the outside support of friends or professionals.

 6. Work on your thoughts. Calm your fears and reinforce your sense of hope and happiness.

 7. Reassure (or avoid) those who are threatened by, or jealous of, the change.

 8. Create your own rite of passage. Ceremony and ritual help with all transitions.

 9. Let go of how things were “supposed to be” and accept “how things are.” Find appreciation for what is.

 10. Keep things in perspective. Or try on a new perspective. Don’t get stuck. Remember, the only constant is change.

Do you think of yourself as a leader?  Do you enjoy leading?  As you were growing up, did people tell you that you had natural leadership qualities? 

If you don’t see yourself as a leader, know that you are nonetheless leading by default.  Why?  Because we are all leaders all of the time by virtue of our unconscious influence.  Whatever you believe, think, value, feel, or say influences your behavior.  Notice what you are thinking or feeling right now.  If your body is tightening up and you are feeling anxious, you are having an impact on yourself and the people around you.  If you are relaxed and feeling happy or content, you are having a different kind of impact on yourself and others. What is the impact you WANT to have?

An American editor and essayist, William George Jordan, in his book, The Majesty of Calmness (1898), said that we cannot circumvent this responsibility by saying it is unconscious, because “every moment of life [we are] changing to a degree…the whole world.” We cannot escape from the influence we have to uplift or dishearten others.  By proactively adopting a leadership mindset, we can ensure that we and those we lead are successful. 

The term “mindset” came into being in the early 1900s.  It means a mental attitude or inclination.  This attitude determines much of our behavior, and our behavior produces specific results.  If we are the leaders of our lives, in our work, and in our relationships, the results we get matter very much.  Are we getting the results or having the impact we want, or are we experiencing unwanted results and outcomes?  By looking at the relationship between our mindset, our behavior, and our impact we can integrate all three components in an effective and satisfying way.  We can incorporate leadership qualities and engage in leadership behaviors that generate the results we really want.

Your impact may be subtle or it may be profound; it may be small or it may be big; it may be obvious or not so obvious; it may be positive, neutral, or negative.  We have a duty, perhaps a sacred one, to ourselves as well as others, as William George Jordan put it, “to refuse to live in an atmosphere that keeps us from living our best.”

Obrve your impact as it’s reflected back to you, observe your actions as you carry them out, and observe your mindset as it fills your thoughts and shapes your attitudes.  With this model you have an ever-ready tool to use any time that you are not getting results you desire.  That’s a tool worth keeping in your toolbox, wouldn’t you say?

National Cell Phone Courtesy Month is an event founded in 2002 by Jacqueline Whitmore with the intent to encourage the increasingly unmindful cell phone users to be more respectful of their surroundings by using some simple cell phone etiquette principles! 

Have you ever been annoyed by when someone’s cell phone goes off unexpectedly during a meeting, a dinner, a movie or in church?  It seems that our society is getting ruder when using cell phones in public.

Jacqueline Whitmore is one of the nation’s foremost experts on etiquette and protocol.  In addition to being the Founder of National Wireless Phone Courtesy Month, Jacqueline  is the Founder and Director of The Protocol School of Palm Beach and the wireless phone etiquette spokesperson for Sprint. 

Jacqueline offers the following tips for wireless phone users who want to avoid offending others:

1. Be all there. When you’re in a meeting, performance, courtroom or other busy area, let calls go to voicemail to avoid a disruption. In some instances, turning your phone off may be the best solution.
2. Keep it private. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid discussing private or confidential information in public. You never know who may be in hearing range.
3. Keep your cool. Don’t display anger during a public call. Conversations that are likely to be emotional should be held where they will not embarrass or intrude on others.
4. Learn to vibe. Use your wireless phone’s silent or vibration settings in public places such as business meetings, religious services, schools, restaurants, theaters or sporting events so that you do not disrupt your surroundings.
5. Avoid “cell yell.” Remember to use your regular conversational tone when speaking on your wireless phone. People tend to speak more loudly than normal and often don’t recognize how distracting they can be to others.
6. Follow the rules. Some places, such as hospitals or airplanes, restrict or prohibit the use of mobile phones, so adhere to posted signs and instructions. Some jurisdictions may also restrict mobile phone use in public places.
7. Excuse yourself. If you are expecting a call that can’t be postponed, alert your companions ahead of time and excuse yourself when the call comes in; the people you are with should take precedence over calls you want to make or receive.
8. Send a message. Use Text Messaging to send and receive messages without saying a single word.
9. Watch and listen discreetly. New multimedia applications such as streaming video and music are great ways to stay informed and access the latest entertainment. However, adjust the volume based on your surroundings in much the same way that you would adjust your ringer volume. Earphones are a great way to avoid distracting others in public areas.
10. Alert silently. When using your phone’s walkie-talkie feature, send the person you’re trying to reach a Call Alert before starting to speak. If you’re around other people, turn off your phone’s external speaker and use the vibration setting to minimize any disturbance and to respect your contact’s privacy.
11. Be a good Samaritan. Use your cell phone to help others. According to CTIA, The Wireless Association, more than 224,000 calls a day are made to 911 and other emergency numbers by mobile phone users who report crimes and potentially life-threatening emergencies.
12. Focus on driving. Practice wireless responsibility while driving. Don’t make or answer calls while in heavy traffic or in hazardous driving conditions. Place calls when your vehicle is not moving, and use a hands-free device to help focus attention on safety. Always make safety your most important call.
13. Spread the word. Discuss cell phone manners with friends and family members. Tell them that you are practicing new wireless phone etiquette rules and offer to share them.

 As a graduate of The Protocol School of Washington, I want to help spread the word!

A recent York college of Pennsylvania poll ranked inappropriate appearance the top unprofessional work behavior.  In celebration of National Business Etiquette Week, anyone who is or becomes a fan of the PSOW fan page can receive a complimentary, $129 value, Make a good impression with the right business attire elearning lesson. Please read the press release  below for more information and learn 7 job hunting tips for college grads.

Studies Show Half of College Grads Lack Professionalism at Work:

PSOW® Launches 5th National Business Etiquette Week June 5–11

Offering “Job Interview Tips” and “Workplace Advice” for the Class of 2011     

Tips for College Grads on the Job Hunt

1. Clean up your virtual image.

2. Dress like a professional

3. Research the company.

4. Turn off your cell phone.

5. Don’t arrive too early.

6. Make direct eye contact.

7. Write a thank-you note.

Founded in 1988 to meet the needs of an expanding global economy, The Protocol School of Washington ( http://PSOW.edu) has trained more than 3,000 graduates from 45 countries. PSOW is the only nationally accredited business etiquette, image and international protocol school in the nation, and is the acknowledged leader in business etiquette and protocol training. It is owned by graduate and former Chief of Protocol at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Ms. Pamela Eyring, who has worked with heads of state, CEOs of the Fortune 500 and four-star generals. In 2009, Ms. Eyring expanded PSOW by taking it overseas and holding courses in Dubai, Trinidad & Tobago, and Turkey. PSOW trainers hail from The White House, Disney, the military and corporate America.

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May 9 – 13, 2011

GO GREEN…

…SAVE THE PLANET’S CIVIL ENERGY 

 REUSE * RECYCLE * RESTORE

Growing young people…deeply rooted in civility, respect and honor.  This is the theme for National Etiquette Week and it is about saving the world’s civil energy.  The fuel supply of the future is the power of our young people.  That energy source must be civility, courtesy, kindness and good manners. Just as recycling, reusing and renew are the by-words for our Earth health, so are the by-words of good manners for our young people being the leaders in the next generation.

• Reuse the fundamentals of being a global citizen – kindness, helpfulness,  graciousness and gratitude.

• Recycle courtesy.  Being civil creates a chain reaction.

• Restore leadership skills by practicing the web-to-web handshake, a firm, easy, gentle, hand-to- hand touch.  Shake from the elbow with just two (2) pumps.

There is a growing awareness of the benefits of practicing civility.  It fosters a better workplace, boosts our immune system, builds self-confidence and develops better relationships. 

National Etiquette Week raises awareness of courtesy, civility, kindness and good manners in our everyday lives as the way young people, leaders, business people and children around the country are called to act. 

Established in 1997, the week serves to remind us of the importance of civility in all areas of life-from the workplace to the restaurant, from event planning to international protocol, from family get-togethers to formal parties.

Being kind, civil and courteous is the number one way to insure the world’s citizens exist into the next generation.  And, civility produces a chain reaction.  When you speak kindly, think positively, accept others and say “thank you,” others will respond in like manner.  And it is up to you to restore civility, courtesy and kindness with these simple acts of good manners: 

• Don’t trash the planet or each other.
• Renew positive relationships with a friend each day this week. 
• Treat the Earth & others as you want to be treated.
• Practice the qualities of a 21^st Century leader – be modest, be fair, be honest, be resolute.
• Be a gracious person regardless.

Please join us in taking time every day this week to examine your actions and make our world a more civil place-for both others and ourselves, for those around the block and those around the globe.

Resolving conflicts can be a very stressful and frustrating experience.  If you commit to and follow these eight ground rules, you help ensure that the conflict resolution process is as effective as possible.

1. Respect.   Keep interactions respectful, even when feeling frustrated or hurt. Avoid put-downs, name calling, interruptions, which will help keep conflicts from escalating.
2. Control.   Maintain emotional control, even when anger boils up.  Redirect emotions to avoid yelling or other belittling behavior.  This helps provide a safe environment for resolving differences.
3.  Structure.    Keep interactions within a structured process.  Minimize spontaneous discussions to help prevent unintended “blowups.”  Using a formal process helps keep focus and balanced communication happening, especially around delicate issues.
4.  Willingness.    Show that you want to understand.  If others feel understood and acknowledged, they are more likely to work together with you on solving the problem.  This requires focusing on and empathizing with what is being communicated by others rather just waiting for your turn to talk.
5.  Honesty.    Demonstrate open and honest communication.  Holding back on what your real concerns are will only delay or complicate a resolution.
6.  Objectivity.    Keep from speculation, automatically believing rumors, and making assumptions.   Instead, rely on your own observations , experiences, and investigation of the situation.
7.  Positive.    State concerns and unmet needs in a constructive manner.   Personal concerns are more likely to be received and considered when presented in a more positive light.  Accusations or demands are usually met with push back.
8.  Optimistic.    Focus on possible solutions rather than past blame.  Laying fault never works, breeding resentment and hostility.   Focus instead on what needs to change and how this change can be successfully understood and implemented. 

 Find areas of agreement and common ground.  This is where solutions can originate.  Use an approach that looks to insure that the needs of all involved are met.  If the needs of others are disregarded, then resentment, resistance, and retaliation will likely surface.

Kicking “But” Along Your Journey

The difference between a dreamer and a doer isn’t luck, talent, skill or money. Unlike some dreamers who never get around to putting their dreams into action, doers make a promise to themselves to reach a goal and honor that commitment by taking determined action. So what keeps doers moving toward their dreams? Doers don’t allow “buts” to hold them back and control their lives – Thoughts such as, “But I don’t have enough time…” “But there’s not enough money…”, “But I’m not smart enough….” are not part of the doer’s dialog. People who make and keep promises to themselves believe that following through to completion is more important than any adversity that could potentially impede their success.

So what do you want to accomplish? Do you want to look for a better job? Quit smoking? Learn to skydive? Build a house? Your “buts” will hold you back if you let them. Instead, kick them out of the way by taking small steps toward your goal. Small successes will help you to gain courage, momentum and confidence. And soon you’ll notice that your “buts” will fade away.